I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
