i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
