pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
