Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
