Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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