so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
