Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
