whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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