Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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