I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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