We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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