My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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