Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
