I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
