I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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