i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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