Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
