i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
