Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
