My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
