This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
