Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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