Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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