i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
