She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
