My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Quick, to the slutcave!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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