Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
