this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
