I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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