well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
