She just used a chaser for red wine.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
