yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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