I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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