and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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