I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
