just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
