Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
