I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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