I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
