Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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