No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
