he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
