dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
