I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
