I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
