I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
