listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
