just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
