I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
