I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
